It’s a toss up between, the taciturn star of Machete vs. the motley crew of The Expendables. Even with the odds against him, I’d put my money on the dude who hardly speaks, possesses only one deadpan expression and carries a big slice-and-dice blade!
Perhaps the first feature film ever based on a two-minute fake trailer in a previous movie (Grindhouse), Robert Rodriguez’s “Machete” might have sunk and burned but “Machete”, is so delightfully ridiculous and over the top, that it’s actually highly enjoyable.
Rodriguez, the man behind “El Mariachi,” “Desperado,” “Sin City” and a lot more, co-directs along with Ethan Maniquis and you will see his signature, cheesy script and affected acting unfold before your very eyes. Watch out for Jessica Alba’s often cheesy and ‘stating-the-obvious’ script and also BIG hair that is frizzy and bad looking on purpose. Having said that, no amount of bad hair can make Jessica Alba look bad;) She’s so tastefully distasteful it’s genius.
Trejo’s Machete is an ex-federale with a complexion that looks like the inside of my gut and a penchant for extreme, bloody justice. After a tragic opening scene, during which a surprisingly fat Steven Seagal establishes himself as one of the film’s major bad guys, Machete ends up as a day laborer in Texas. He’s spotted and hired by Booth (Jeff Fahey), a mysterious man who wants him to assassinate the controversial Sen. McLaughlin (Robert De Niro). McLaughlin is running on an anti-immigration platform, so Booth figures a probable illegal immigrant wouldn’t mind taking a shot at him.
The whole thing is a setup (as revealed in both the fake Grindhouse trailer and the real Machete trailer): Booth is actually an evil adviser to McLaughlin who is looking to get the senator re-elected. Fahey is hilarious; his sad days as The Lawnmower Man are now far behind him. As for De Niro, he hasn’t been this over-the-top fun since the ’90s. Think Max Cady, his deranged character in Cape Fear, but mellowed a bit by age and into politics.
photos via people theiapolis
There is also a a frequently naked Lindsay Lohan as a character relatively inconsequential to the plot (and I am sure her nakedness did not take much persuasion). She gets to play dress up nun. Finally.. remember when I say “nobody kills Seagal.. ” Watch out for the highly dramatic ending!
Great show. We loved every cheesy moment of it!
Wow. That’s a lot of knives! Won’t he be jingling + jangling when he walks around in that coat though? lol
BIG TOOLS JANGLING.. nice 😛
Love every minute of this sort of B Grade movie. Lilo bearing her melons, Alba running in heels and posing nude at the shower and best of all- Machete can never die. Hurray!
agree!
I saw this last week, great movie. Me thinks Cumi needs to chine in here though. Not a single mention of Michelle Rodriguez?
Yes, a shower scene with Jessia is nearly worth the price of the movie alone. But, Lohan’s naked wondering around really does not impress.
More movies like this need to be made. And more movies with Michelle Rodriguez. Still waiting on your Eat Pray … forgot the last bit review!! Shame Michelle Rodriguez is not in it 😛
sorry dave, cumi thinks she’s a dog compared to his darling Jessica. Pfft
Okay Cumi likes his girls to have a nice bum! Respect to him.
But, Michelle Rodriguez is the type of girl you would want to travel with. She kicks ass 🙂
ok, i’ll be sure to recommend you to Rob, the next time i speak to him.. which will be soon.. regarding his next movie:P incidentally it’s a travel flick where the hero and michelle get chased by aliens. she’ll protect the hero’s skinny ass .. mwuahahahaha
Got DVD ar? Can Pinjam? 😛
for u CAN!
haven’t watched ‘machete’ yet, but hey, i thot the guys in ‘the expendables’ were all really hard to beat! ok, i suppose danny trejo could defeat jet li in armed combat, but jet li would definitely defeat danny trejo in a beauty pageant 😀
imagine if everyday was bad skin day. groan. 🙁
Quite ironic – I recently watched The Replacement Killers (starring Chow Yuen Fatt) on HBO (or was it Max?)… and the machete wielding man (the one with tattoos) was the hired killer!!
ah, maybe i should look out for that one! LOL (trade you!)
I didn’t realise this was out! I loved the fake trailer when I first saw it, will have to try and catch it now 🙂